we are not meant to be alone

I read that phrase once a while back, and it has stuck with me ever since. In the past couple years, God has opened my eyes to recognize different ways that He is present with me, whether it be a sense of peace amidst a trial; a friendly text, email, or phone call when I least expect it but need it the most; or whether it is in fellowship with dear friends and family.

I think when I pray, often I want God to part the skies and reach down and right the wrongs or fix something in this huge fashion. When that doesn’t happen, I wonder if I prayed right, did something wrong, etc. But then looking back, sometimes years later, it occurs to me all the different ways God WAS there and at work. I think about Elijah in the mountains. Check this out:

1 Kings 19:11-12
11 Then he was told, “Go, stand on the mountain at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by.”
A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn’t to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn’t in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

God shows up however He chooses. The way He usually shows up is quietly and subtly, orchestrating things according to His plan.

Getting back to the title, this week I have been thinking a lot about how important fellowship and friendship are, and what a role they have played in my life. I heard a quote once, that faith is a team sport, or something along those lines. God hardwired us to long for companionship. Not just in a romantic way, but with friends and family as well.
This week, I have been going on bicycle rides with my good friend Lawrence. Not just any bike rides. We’ve worked our way up to 32 miles, and we’ve done those rides two or three days in a row. It’s hard, my legs hurt all the time, and one of the side effects of bike riding is my butt really hurts haha. But the cool part has been that I am getting in shape, and pushing my body to do things I haven’t done since high school. Even cooler is that Lawrence has patiently coached me along, and helped me work my way up. I know for a fact I wouldn’t have the discipline to do this day after day without having Lawrence there.

Life is like that too. God puts people in our lives to encourage us and help us along. He gives us people who are accountability partners, role models whom we strive to imitate, and people who are older and wiser who have experienced more life and want to share. God also puts people in our lives to share our burdens. One of my favorite scenes in scripture is where Paul and Silas, having been brutally beaten earlier, are singing praises to God together while shackled in their jail cell. I can’t imagine that at all, but even more hard to imagine is Paul or Silas having to go through that alone. When the woman in our congregation passed away earlier this year, our pastor’s wife commented that she didn’t want the husband to grieve alone. She wanted to be sad with him, and help carry the burden. That’s beautiful. We always have the promise that wherever two or more are gathered, there God will be also.

I would make a list of all the people who have been a blessing to me, but that would require a lot more space. My Crossing friends, Living Hope Family, St. Andrew’s family, and my home family are certainly all on the list.

 

Sunday, best day of the week…

I can’t sleep because of all the thoughts running through my head. today was beyond amazing. For a couple reasons.
1. My sister came to my church today, and reconnected with a lot of great friends. She has needed this, and she had a great time! Praise God!
2. My church has always done Operation Christmas Child, and each year we have managed to bring more boxes than the previous year. Last year, with the help of my good friends at the Crossing, we raised 117 boxes. As a result, Jane, who heads OCC up at my church, confidently set a goal for 200 boxes this year. No big deal? Not really, except that out church only has about 70 people. We all were a little nervous this year to try for such a high goal. We decided to collect boxes and then have a packing party in July to see how far we had gotten. To make it more fun, College/Career group challenged the children’s ministry to see who could bring in more boxes. We egged each other on and organized shopping trips throughout the month. Today was the packing day, and the kids beat College group 92 boxes to 56 boxes. With all the other boxes added in, we actually hit the 200 box mark!!!! Soooo crazy amazing!! God has provided and done so much in this! Jane says we should shoot for another hundred by November. I’ll bet we can do it.
3. As if that wasn’t cool enough, tonight I went with my friends Shasta and Drew to visit Shasta’s and Lisa’s refugee family, and help them celebrate the birthday of a family friend. I am going to be completely honest: I was scared to death at first as I drove over. I was nervous about the cultural differences, the differences in beliefs, etc. I was afraid I would somehow offend someone by saying or doing something I didn’t know about. I began to feel better when we met the family initially. They have an adorable little boy with the most mischievous little smile I have ever seen, and this look in his eyes that can melt your heart in an instant. We went to a larger room where more and more families gathered. Soon there had to be 50+ people in the room! I was quickly taken by how much love there was in the room, and how obvious it was that everyone cared for each other. The men all came up to me throughout the evening and chatted with me, asking what I did for a living, what I was interested in, etc. I felt more and more at ease talking with them. Then there were the kids. At first, they seemed so mellow and laid back. But as the party unfolded, and the sugar began to kick in, they were running around, blowing on noise makers, and goofing around. I finally mustered up enough courage to chat with some of the little boys as we all ate cake, and I was amazed at how quickly they opened up to me. They talked to me about all kinds of stuff, and included me in their little games. It was amazing how quick they were to trust someone they had never met before. When it was time to go, one of the little toddlers blew kisses to me. I can’t believe how close I came to chickening out, and missing out on one of the best evenings ever. God had me there for a reason. What a great day.

 

Looking back on an old post….

I wrote this almost two years ago when I was a youth group leader at my old church. I bring it up again because I was inspired by what my friend Katy wrote in her blog about analyzing the context surrounding a verse. I was also inspired by my friend Shasta’s post about differing views on women’s roles. The verse we had looked at is one of the most misinterpreted verses that I can think of, and it is primarily because people and churches tend to pluck one single verse out of scripture and use that verse to justify their theology and actions. Here goes…

Tonight at youth group we read through Ephesians 5: 22- 33. I thought that this is one of the coolest things ever! It would be so easy to misinterpret on the first run through, but when you digest it and break it down, it is amazing.

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery- but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I think throughout the ages people have had a really warped interpretation of the message this verse is conveying. This is not a call for wives to become less than their husbands and to cater to his every whim like a robot. And it doesn’t give men the right to boss their wives around and make them do ridiculous things or be abusive.
I love the connection between man and wife and Christ and the church. Christ loved us so much He gave His life for us. He didn’t judge us (like the woman caught in adultery). He bore all our sins and wrong doings, pains and hurts, on Himself when he died on the cross. Would He ask the church to do ridiculous things, or be abusive to the church he died for? No! We as the church submit to Christ because of His sacrifice for us. His love couldn’t be any more evident than through His ministry and through His death for us.
So when a man marries a woman, the wife submits to her husband because he would be willing to do ANYTHING for her. He is willing to die for her. He longs to hold her through the tough times. He rejoices with her when she is happy. He cries with her when she is sad. He supports her in every way he can. He cares for her when she is sick. He listens to her when she needs to talk, and talks when she needs him to talk. The husband is so in love with his wife, and he makes it evident in his actions and words. Jesus served his disciples by washing their feet and taking on the role of a servant frequently. Therefore, the husband should also be willing to serve and take on the role of a servant for his wife.
I hope I can someday be half the man God is portraying here.

So again, that entry is a couple years old. I know this is an area where words are chosen carefully. I’m curious about other peoples’ thoughts.

 

Thoughts on the Prayer of Jabez

Today I was at Starbucks reading, which is one of my favorite things in the whole world. There is something amazing about sitting with a good book, drinking coffee, and listening to the soft hum of jazz music and conversation in the background. At one point the book I was reading mentioned the Prayer of Jabez, in 1 Chronicles.
Here it is:

Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother named him Jabez saying, “Because I bore him with pain.” Now Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and that You would keep me from harm that it may not pain me!” And God granted him what he requested. (1 4:9-10 NASB).

Names meant a lot more back then than they do today. Your identity was synonymous with the meaning of your name. Today we name our children after family members, after people we look up to, out of tradition, etc. But those names seem more like labels: what we write down on documents and what other people call us. Names had a much deeper meaning in Hebrew culture in the Old Testament. Moses’ name meant “drew out.” He was given this name because he was literally drawn out of the water. Ultimately, God would use him to draw the Israelites out of Egypt. Whenever someone called his name, Moses was reminded of where his name came from, and what God was doing through him. There was another man, Joshua, whose name means “God saves.” When Joshua heard his name, he was reminded of God using him to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land after Moses. These men, and many other men and women throughout the scriptures had names that inspired them daily whenever they heard someone address them.

But what about Jabez? How do you go through life everyday, being reminded that your name means “sorrow,” or “pain”? A name like that doesn’t inspire, build up, or encourage, and it doesn’t provoke thoughts of hope and peace. This is similar to our names. No, not the names you and I go by, but names like “Broken. Addict. Failure. Drop- out. Slacker. Sinner.” Prior to a relationship with Christ, these are the labels we feel in our core, much in the same way Jabez felt his name. Here’s the amazing part: God has a new name for us. A new identity. He wants to wipe away the old identity, and embrace us as a new creation. Jabez is not satisfied with his identity. He chooses not to accept being known as “sorrow” or “pain.” Instead he calls on the Lord. “Bless me indeed and enlarge my borders (other translations say territories, or horizons).” Jabez essentially says “I don’t want to live in this broken identity. I want You to broaden my horizons. I am limited in this identity. I want a new identity created by You.” He asks God to hold him in His hand and protect him. And God does it. Out of His love for Jabez, He answers the prayer. We don’t know if God changes his name, or what. All we know is God gives him what he asks. And that’s what God does for us when we come before Him, accepting His son’s sacrifice and acknowledging our broken identities and the need for a new identity in Him. He changes our identity from “Broken. Addict. Failure. Drop- out. Slacker. Sinner,” to “Redeemed. Saved. Rescued. Child of God. Friend of God. Beloved. Forgiven.”

One of the coolest examples of God changing an identity is in Genesis when God wrestles with Jacob. Jacob means “deceiver” and Jacob had certainly lived up to that name. He cheated his brother Esau out of his birthright, and then tricked his father Isaac into giving him a blessing intended for Esau. Before God could use Jacob for the great purposes He had in mind, He needed to change Jacob’s identity. He wrestles with Jacob all night, even though He could easily have won (as evidenced by His ability to dislocate Jacob’s hip with a single touch). But after this, God changes his name to “Israel”, which means “prince”. When he heard his new name, Jacob could now think “prince,” instead of “deceiver.”
What names do you think of as your identity? Broken? Addict? Failure? Drop- out? Slacker? Sinner? There’s a lot more, and I can identify with most of them. Try waking up each morning and facing the day with this on your heart But try this…. remember when you accepted the fact that you are all these things, and that you wanted to have a relationship with God. When you did that, God gave you a new identity. You no longer need to refer to yourself as these things. Instead, when you hear your name, think “Redeemed. Saved. Rescued. Child of God. Friend of God. Beloved. Forgiven.” Now imagine waking up and facing each new day with this knowledge. The day looks brighter, doesn’t it?

 

On moving schools and change in general…

Today was a big day! It marked the completion of transferring all my stuff from Butterfield, the school I have taught at for the past three years, to Estes, the school I am being tranferred to. After loading the last of my stuff, I turned in my keys to the front office, and then it hit me… I’m leaving this wonderful place where I have formed some incredible friendships, and done more growing than ever before in my life. God has really used my experiences at Butterfield to stretch me. I had one of the toughest years of my life when I began teaching there three years ago. I will elaborate more on that year in a later post. But God put people in my life there that helped me through. I worked for (in my opinion) the best principal and vice principal duo on the face of the earth. I was like a second son to them (so they have told me), and they genuinely cared about my succes as a teacher. For that matter, the rest of the staff cared too! I could go to absolutely anyone on campus, and they would gladly offer a helping hand or advice based on their own experiences. So the thought of leaving that scares me. A lot. There’s a group of teachers there that I would meet with once a week and pray with, and it was amazing! So leaving to embark on a new journey is both exciting, and terrifying.

This gets me thinking on change in general. We all look back on life, and I think many people have a “good ol’ days” that they look back on with fondness. I remember my grandparents talking a lot about the “good ol’ days,” and how they often longed to be back in those days, instead of today’s craziness. Retired athletes look back on the days when they first started playing, or the years they won the big game. People working on their careers look back on the carefree days of high school and college and secretly wish they could relive them from time to time. I don’t doubt that someday I will look back on my time at Butterfield and call these the “good ol’ days” and wish I could somehow go back.

But God has a reason for moving us on to new places and new adventures. I remember hearing a sermon once on what the disciples must have been feeling when they saw Jesus again after He was crucified. I’m sure they thought and wished that things would go back to the way they were before Jesus was crucified. “Things will go back to normal now. He has risen, and we will go back to following Him everywhere, watching Him do miracles, and learning from Him everyday.” Imagine their reaction when He told them that He was returning to His father in Heaven, and that it was their turn to carry on the message of salvation to the world. I’ll bet they felt a mixture of sadness, terror at the magnitude of their new responsibility, and confusion too. I’m sure the disciples were wishing they could go back to the good ol’ days of walking with Jesus all the time.

I think God doesn’t let us go back to the good ol’ days however, because then we would undo all the things we have learned, all the ways we have grown, and all the relationships we have gained since then. Think about it: say 20 years down the road, I look back and think about the good ol’ days when I was at St. Andrew’s doing youth ministry, and I somehow managed to go back. I would certainly love being back there, but all of a sudden, all the ways God has shaped me would have not happened yet, all the people I have met and grown to love at Living Hope and the Crossing would not be in my life yet, and all the experiences of leading worship would not have happened yet. It would be detrimental to my walk with God for Him to let me undo all those things, just so I could relive “the good ol’ days.” Just like with the disciples. They had grown too much and learned too much for Jesus to just pick things up where they left off, and leave it at that. Jesus needed them to step outside their comfort zones and go out to their own “Estes” experiences so they could continue to grow and mature, and spread His message of life.

So as much as I would love to stay at Butterfield forever, and stay in my comfortable bubble, I think I might understand a little better why God is moving me elsewhere. Years from now I will likely be in new places, looking back on this time and thinking about how much God has grown me. God is good! All I need to remember Jeremiah 29:11!

 

Thoughts of a guy on a mission…

I have to admit, I am incredibly jealous of my friends who have these amazing blogs that are filled with weekly, and sometimes daily posts that are insightful, inspiring, and all around fun to read. I really want to give this a try.

What is the mission that is mentioned in the title, you might ask? I guess you might call this “mission” more of a journey. I am on a mission to learn more about what it is to be a man of God, and to incorporate what I learn in my life. I have been incredibly blessed to grow up in settings where I am surrounded by other guys who love Jesus and live to glorify Him. I want to live in such a way that when people see me, they think to themselves, “that guy must love Jesus.” I know I will mess up a lot on this journey. On a daily basis, I stumble and fall. But I serve a God who picks me back up and walks with me. On this blog I will often share the times I stumble and fall, but I also want to share the ways God picks me up again.

It has been a year full of times where my views and understanding of something has been challenged and altered. Early this year, a woman in our congregation was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and it rocked our world. We prayed and prayed. I think I prayed more earnestly and expectantly that I ever have before. When she passed away, leaving her husband, son and daughter, it was shocking. There was a collective sense of misunderstanding. How could we pray so hard for something, and not have it work out?

In the following months, God revealed to us and me that when we pray, it is okay for us to present our desires to Him. But we need to willing to accept His answer. What didn’t occur to us was that we prayed for healing for our friend, and she WAS healed! She received the ultimate healing by going home to be with Christ. Our prayers shouldn’t look like this:”Lord, this is what I need to happen, and here is how I want You to do it.” Instead, I feel like I should be saying, “Lord, you know my desire. I want for this to happen. But I know you have a plan that is better than mine. Please give me the strength and wisdom to accept your answer, whether it is the one I desire, or different.”

Now I have friends that are going through a similar situation with their grandmother, whom I have been fortunate enough to meet and visit with in the past. I feel so torn because I know what I should pray, but I am essentially afraid to pray it. I know that God is going to heal her. Our desire is that God heal her physically so that she can be with her husband and family a little longer. I guess I am scared that God’s plan for healing may mean, gulp, taking her home. I know the hurt and sadness my dear friends will feel, because I felt it with the passing of two of my grandparents.

Praying is hard sometimes. It takes a lot to be willing to give God total control of something. Pastor Dave once said that our act of praying itself is powerless. The power lies in the One we pray to.

 

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