Worry

“So don’t ever worry about tomorrow.  After all, tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.”  Matthew 6:34

Summer is drawing to a close.  There are 2 weeks remaining before the first day with students.  Right about now is when it is especially tempting to start worrying about the upcoming school year.  Will I be a good teacher?  Will my students be willing to learn?  Will I have to spend much of my time disciplining , or will I actually be able to teach?  It definitely doesn’t help that some of the third grade teachers didn’t mind telling me how difficult this year is going to be.  But if I’m not careful, I’m going to psych myself out before a student ever sets foot in my classroom! 

I’ve been reading  a great book by Max Lucado called “Everyday Deserves a Chance.”  Here’s something that really got my attention when I was reading today:

God says: “Every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”  Romans 8:28. 
Worry takes a look at catastrophe and groans, “It’s all coming unraveled.” 

God’s Word says: “God has done it all and done it well.”  Mark 7:37.
Worry disagrees: “The world has gone crazy.” 

God’s Word calls God “the blessed Controller of all things.” 1 Timothy 6:15. 
Worry wonders if anyone is in control. 

God’s Word declares, “God will take care of everything you need.”  Philippians 4:19.
Worry whispers this lie: “God doesn’t know what you need.”

God’s Word reasons: “You’re at least decent to your own children.  So don’t you think that the God who conceived you in love will be even better?”  Matthew 7:11.
Worry discounts and replies:  “you’re on your own.  It’s you against the world.” 
Worry wages war on your faith.  You know that.  You hate to worry.  But what can you do to stop it? 

Notice how God addresses worry so often in His word!  These few scriptures don’t even begin to address all the times worry is mentioned.  God say “Do not be afraid” hundreds of times throughout His word.  That’s what I’m tempted to do right now.  But here are some things I am committing to do differently this year:

-I am anticipating God’s intervention in my class, and His provision for what I need.  I’m not going to go in full of dread, but full of confidence. 

-I am committing to pray regularly for my class and co- workers before school.  Max points out in his book that one cannot pray and worry at the same time.  Paul says in Philippians “Do not worry about anything, instead pray about everything.” 

-I am going to seek prayer from others in my church for my class as well.  The more people praying for my kids, the better.

-I am going to purposely seek out opportunities to build relationships with my kids this year.  I want to eat lunch with them one on one and as a whole class.  I want to hang out with them at recess occasionally.  The teachers I remember best are the ones that took time to know me as a person and not just another paper to grade. 

-Most importantly, I am going to focus on one day at a time.  Rather than spend the year worrying about how my kids are going to do on the year- end tests, I am going to teach the best I possibly can each day and each week.  Tomorrow will bring new challenges, and God will give me the strength to address those challenges when they come. 

I know this year is going to be great, because I know God is already there. 

 

back again…

It’s been almost a full year since I wrote on here last! I’ve missed writing my thoughts and experiences down regularly. Rather than catch up on all that has happened this past year, I will instead write about what I am looking forward to this year.

Ironically, I last wrote about running, and getting bitten by the running bug after a hiatus from high school running. Over the last couple months I have been running again using the Couch to 5k program. It has been a lot easier to follow, and I have experienced some success because of it. I have worked up to running non- stop for 20 minutes solid, and by the end of the program I should be able to run 30 minutes straight without stopping. I am planning on doing the quarter marathon in the Arizona Distance classic this May. Maybe I will work up to a half marathon by the end of the year! We shall see…

I have decided that 2013 will be my get- back- in- shape year. In addition to running, I have been going to the YMCA pretty regularly the past two months. I also recently started cycling again with my friends Lawrence and Lynn, and that has felt really good. Lastly, in order to balance diet with exercise, I am trying the Nutrisystem program. My main motivation for doing this is that I want to start getting into healthy habits now, and work on maintaining them in the coming years. I don’t know when, but when I do get married and one day have a family, I feel like I owe it to them to be healthy and strong, and not laden with health issues.

I also want to focus this year on reading the bible regularly, and focusing on my relationship with God again. I feel that in recent months I have been going throughout the motions, and I want that to stop. God has brought me through too much and done too much for me to give Him second best.

Hopefully I will be able to write more often this year! Thanks for reading!

 

Running

Today I ran my first 5k in nearly 7 years! The race was a memorial to the mom of one of our students who passed away very unexpectedly this year. It was so cool to see the community love and support for the family today.

Today was monumental for a couple reasons. First of all, as I said earlier, this was my first official race since my senior year of high school. I used to run track and cross country in high school, and so running used to be a pretty big part of my life. When high school ended, I really didn’t have any intention of running for college or anything, so I kind of stopped running altogether, which was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. That, coupled with wearing cheap flip flops all throughout college. I flattened out my foot arches pretty badly, and developed plantar faciitis, so running became very painful.

I moved on and did other things, but the thrill of running in races has never really left. One of the last races I did in high school was the 88 Crime 8K, which I actually won! I really enjoyed running with other people and meeting new friends at community races. I felt that thrill again this morning.

It was definitely tough. I stopped a couple times to walk, but I tried to jog as much as possible. I ended up finishing in about 34 minutes, which is almost double the time it took me to run 5K in high school. But this time, I was just running to see if I could do it. My goal was to finish and have fun, and it felt awesome. I think I may have been bitten by the running bug. My friend Mike has invited me to run another 5k with him later this month. I think I’m gonna do it! Who knows? Maybe I’ll even try for the half- marathon this coming December in Tucson!

Thank you Lord for re- introducing running into my life again! Let my running give you glory.

 

Spiritual ADD

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2 NLT)

I think on reading this verse, a lot of people’s first inclinations, including mine for a long time, is to make a list of “worldly things” that they shouldn’t do, and then strive to avoid them. Things like, “I won’t do drugs. I won’t swear. I won’t smoke. I won’t ____________ (insert worldly activity here).
In that single act, we have done what my pastor talks about so much: we reduce God’s commands to a to-do list that we try to follow in order to make God happy. After all, western cultures are far more goal- oriented and task- driven. We like to make lists and cross items off as we accomplish them.
It seems to me that the essential part of this verse is “but let God transform you into a new person by CHANGING THE WAY YOU THINK.” It’s not just about acting a certain way or doing/ avoiding certain things. It’s also about letting God remake you on the inside.
It’s a scary thing to give God control and let Him change the way you think. In fact, I’m not sure I even know how to go about doing that. But it seems that if God is in charge of my thoughts, then my actions will follow out of response.

My problem is, and I assume most people struggle with this, keeping my thoughts on God in the first place. It’s like having Spiritual ADD or something (not sure if that’s the right term). I sit down with my bible, determined to read and study the Word, or I go to church/ bible study anxious to learn, but a shiny object comes by and takes my focus away. Money, jobs, relationships, all the “what- if’s” of life, worries, etc all fight for control of my attention. I feel like I’m always giving God my second- best.

Here’s an amazing clip from the devotional I’m reading, “Jesus Calling”:
“As you focus your thoughts on Me, be aware that I am fully attentive to you. I see you with a steady eye, because my attention span is infinite. I know and understand you completely; my thoughts embrace you in an everlasting love. ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’ (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT). How amazing it is to know that even though our thoughts aren’t always focused on God, His thoughts are always focused on us. He knows the hairs on our heads, and He has a plan for each of us. He focuses on us with an intensity that we can’t wrap our minds around.

This year, I want to think about God, and let that transform me from the inside out.

 

Joy in God’s Presence

I really like this devotional I’m reading. It’s by Sarah Young, and it’s called Jesus Calling. I highly recommend this book!
Here’s a part of it that really stood out to me:

“what I search for in my children is an awakened soul that thrills to the joy of My presence! I created mankind to glorify Me and enjoy Me forever. I provide the Joy; your part is to glorify Me by living close to Me.”

I love the promise of joy that comes with glorifying God. The peace and happiness that is felt when worshipping is so great. I got to feel that this past Saturday when I went to a Hillsong concert with my friend Alix and her family. Actually, concert is not the right word. Worship gathering is the proper term here. The night was dedicated to worshipping and praising God. I remember particularly when we just sang the words “I’ll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned. In awe of the One Who gave it all. I’ll stand, my soul, Lord, to You surrendered. All I am is Yours” over and over and over. It was so incredible to sing this with 3,000 other people. The joy I felt in this moment was one I wished I could feel all the time, 24/7.

The devotional talked about living CLOSE to God, and how this brings joy. My friend Shasta mentioned in her Quarter Life devotional a few weeks ago that sometimes it feels like God is the far away, distant God who looks on. I feel this way sometimes, especially when life is so busy and difficult.

I wish I could talk with someone, and get a concrete, absolute list of things to do to be closer to God. I love that God wants so much to draw near to us and be close to us. What do I do?
-read my bible everyday?
-try not to swear?
-fill my schedule with as many church functions as possible?
-read motivational books by Christian authors in addition to my bible?
-go to bible studies?
And what do I do if I try all these things, and I still like there’s something more? I know I’m also trying to create a to- do list like my pastor talks about. How do I go beyond the western thinking of making a list, and see my closeness to God as an overall picture?

Bottom line, I want to feel the excitement that Paul felt. I want to experience the exhilaration that this author felt as she was writing this devotional. I want the joy that I felt while worshipping with Hillsong.

 

Tough week…

I love that Jesus said “For I am with you always, even until the end of the age.” I love His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I really had to lean on that knowledge this past week.

My aunt’s boyfriend, Jeff, who I have mentioned in a previous post, passed away last Monday. Getting the news was like a punch in the stomach. Memories of our last visit with them came flooding back, and it was all I could do to hold together until my students went home. I will always remember Jeff’s optimism, even in the face of terminal cancer. He always talked as if he had beaten the cancer already. It was wonderful to see how much he truly cared for my aunt.

Then this past Sunday, another great man, Mike, passed away from brain cancer. When I was growing up, Mike was like a second dad to me at church. He always planted a big kiss on the top of my head when I hugged him, and in every picture, I’m either on his shoulders or his back.

Both of these guys were the kinds of guys who you could spend 5 minutes with, and come away a better person. So friendly, warm, and full of energy and life. They’re the kinds of guys that I want to be like someday.

 

Being Transparent…

This is something I read in a devotional that I started reading called Jesus Calling.
“Come to me with your defenses down, ready to be blessed and filled with My presence. Relax, and feel the relief of being totally open and authentic with Me. You have nothing to hide and nothing to disclose, because I know everything about you already. You can have no other relationship like this one. Take time to savor it’s richness, basking in My golden light.”

There are parts of this paragraph that initially freak me out a bit. It’s a scary thought putting my defenses down, being totally open and authentic with someone, much less God. I notice that when I do attempt to be totally open with someone, one or more of the following happens:

-I can’t form a coherent sentence. Ten thousand different ideas are filling my head, and I can’t speak fast enough to express them all.
-I get nervous and start to sweat. What will this person think of me from now on? Will they think less of me? Will I lose their friendship? Am I doing the wrong thing by being open?
-I begin to doubt. The reason I decided to come forth and be open suddenly seems insignificant, or maybe it doesn’t seem like such a good idea after all.
-Lastly, I strive to express my idea as perfectly as possible, and often in the process I end up making it way too complicated.

Does this happen to you?
I think the bottom line is, sometimes I’m afraid to be transparent and let someone see me without my shields and defenses up. It’s kinda like a job interview. I’ll explain….

When you go in for an interview, your objective is to highlight your best attributes. Good work habits, great achievements, successes from previous work experiences, etc. You want to make yourself as marketable to your potential employer as possible. If you do a good enough job, and present enough positive information, you might just get hired. The last think you want to do is go into detail about your failures, shortcomings, bad habits, addictions, and insecurities. Those kinds of things will prevent you from being hired.

Here’s the part that blows my mind. When we come before God, there’s no use in trying to just highlight the positives and ignore the negatives. God knows them ALL. “You have nothing to hide and nothing to disclose, because I know everything about you already.” Augh!!! Can you imagine going to a job interview where the employer already knew all your shortcomings and faults, and you had to try to still get him/her to hire you? It would be like, “Well, that’s very nice… but then again, you did do ____________ a few weeks ago.” We really can have no other relationship like the one we have with God, because He loves us faults and all. Even though He knows about everything we’ve done, and everything we WILL do, He still loves us like crazy. He desired so much to have us join Him in His kingdom that He paid for us with His Son.

So…. with God… there are no defenses. There are no shields. There are no facades. There’s no point in even trying to hide anything, because He already knows. And as my relationship with God deepens, I hope to reach a point where I don’t feel the desire/need to hide anything. The fact is, it’s pretty much a given that sometimes people won’t respond the way I hope when I am open with them. And that’s okay. The One who I do need to focus on being open with already knows me inside and out, and He loves me anyway, and He calls me into a relationship that can’t be equaled.
So try this… try taking your shield down when you pray and talk to God. He already knows. So tell Him. Savor the relationship He longs to have with you, and open your heart to Him. Things will never be the same.

 

The end of an era…

Last night I went to a concert. Not just any concert, but a David Crowder concert. Not just any David Crowder concert, but the LAST David Crowder concert that will ever be in Arizona. Now, I know this probably sounds silly, maybe even dumb. However, this was a pretty bittersweet night for me. Here’s why:
-The first concert I ever went to was a DCB concert back in 2003. I had no idea what i was getting myself into. When he first walked out onto the stage, I thought I was at a heavy metal concert.
-The cd I got after that concert was one of my first Christian rock CDs.
-After buying and listening to their cd’s, I really really wanted to learn how to play the guitar, and someday play worship music at my church.
-Their song “All I Can Say” became one of my favorite songs ever, and I became determined to learn how to play the guitar, and then learn how to play that song. When I learned it, I played it so much people were pretty much sick of it and asked me to learn other songs. 🙂
-Since then, I have gone to at least 8-10 concerts for DCB, and each one was better than the one before.

Last night they played some of my all- time favorite songs, and I was just so happy to be there with some old friends singing until my voice was gone.

The coolest part by far however, was when David talked to the crowd about how this was their last tour, and the story of the band, etc. He then finished the night by playing All I Can Say. This is a big deal because in all the concerts I have been to, he has NEVER played that song. Ever. I pretty much gave up hope that he would ever play that song live. It was glorious. I cried.

I guess the only way i can describe this feeling is to compare it to the feelings people have when they are done with a favorite book series, like Harry Potter or something. It’s kind of like, “Now what?” It’s cool to think that God had a purpose for me discovering DCB’s music. I wonder if I would be leading music at LH if I hadn’t gone to that first concert 8 years ago? Hard to say.

Thank you David Crowder Band. Thank you for the memories of lost voices after singing at the top of my lungs. Thank you for serving the Lord with your music. Thank you for inspiring me to want to play music for God. And thank you for the song “All I Can Say.”

Here’s the lyrics:
Lord I’m tired, so tired from walking
And Lord I’m so alone
And Lord the dark is creeping in, creeping up, to swallow me
I think I’ll stop and rest here awhile

This is all that i can say right now
This is all that I can give
This is all that I can say right now
This is all that i can give and that’s my everything

Oh and didn’t You see me crying
Oh and didn’t You hear me call Your name?
Wasn’t it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You’d remember where You set it down

This is all that i can say right now
This is all that I can give
This is all that I can say right now
This is all that i can give and that’s my everything

I didn’t notice You were standing there
I didn’t know that that was You calling me
I didn’t notice You were crying too
I didn’t know that that was You washing my feet

This is all that i can say right now
This is all that I can give
This is all that I can say right now
This is all that i can give and that’s my everything

 

A journey into Proverbs

I was listening to a message earlier, and the speaker mentioned that there are 31 chapters in Proverbs, and that would make an ideal month- long study. I really like the idea of reading through Proverbs a chapter at a time, and writing down ideas here. I would love to hear any ideas you guys might have too! Let’s get started!

Chapter 1
Some verses that really jumped out at me are the ones I have posted below:
“A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel.”
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
(Proverbs 1:1-33 NASB)

I think anyone who has been in school has experienced the difference between simply hearing something and learning it. I think about college, and how during the first two years you have to go through gen ed classes. Sometimes you find a really good class, and the material being taught is really interesting to you. I think stereotypically, however, we often take classes during the first two years simply to satisfy pre-requisites, and so we can check them off the list of required classes. In my experience, I remember just having to endure some of my gen ed classes, and make it through to the end of the semester. I can’t recall things I learned in those classes at all. But during the last two years of classes, most majors have you taking classes that are specific to the career field you are going into. Those are the classes I remember. I can safely say I became “wiser” in these classes because I saw the need to absorb this information and take the time to understand it.
I think this applies outside a school setting. Being wise means not only hearing something and moving on… It means hearing it and increasing in learning. Think this especially applies with reading the bible. It is easy to pick up my bible and read a few paragraphs, set it down, and forget what I read. That’s not at all what God intended though! Wisdom is reading God’s word, struggling with it, thinking about it, wrestling with it, and then living it.
Another important note here is that it is important to seek wise counsel. I am so blessed to be surrounded by wise counsel at my church, Living Hope. Every Monday, several of the men in the church get together for bible study, and we read scripture, and also talk about the tough stuff. I remember the night I had to choose which school I would transfer to for this year was the same night as men’s bible study. This was no accident or coincidence. I think God really wanted me to be able to talk about this with the guys and get their counsel and prayers. I can talk to these guys about pretty much anything.

How about you guys? What do you think it means to be wise? I also want to know what you think about what it means to fear the Lord? This is something I have wondered about for a long time.

I feel like there is more to write, but I am hitting a block right now. Thoughts? Concerns? High- fives?

 

neat email

The ‘L I T T L E’ Things

As you might remember, the head of a company survived 9/11
because his son started kindergarten that day.

Another fellow was alive because it was His turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her Alarm clock didn’t go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike Because of an auto accident.

One of them Missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take Time to change.

One’s Car wouldn’t start.

One couldn’t Get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work
But before he got there, he developed
a blister on his foot.

He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today..

Now when I am
Stuck in traffic ,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone …
All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
This is exactly where
God wants me to be
At this very moment..

Next time your morning seems to be
Going wrong ,

You can’t seem to find the car keys,
You hit every traffic light,
Don’t get mad or frustrated;
It May be just that
God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you
With all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose.